Rush Van Winkle: A Simple, Good Hearted Conservative Wakes Up in a Better World


Rush Van Winkle Rush Van Winkle, a simple, smart heated conservative, a good family values kind UN agency disdained government meddling, was walking home from on a daily basis spent standing on the queue, once he was stricken dumb by a bumper sticker he saw within the back window of a Volvo. Obama ’08 it aforesaid.

“Damned liberals,” he muttered. then again he was stopped dead in his tracks by the location of the native branch manager of an enormous international bank. The bank had gotten government bail out cash and therefore the branch manager, during a show of brazen audacity, was rising from one in every of those fancy Scotchman low outlets with a $4 latte, living high on the hog. Rush cask his head in disgust.

01 Afternoon traffic in Amsterdam (Photo credit- Copenhagenize Design Co)

Rush Manhandles His married person

Back reception he was sullen and wouldn’t speak to his married person. He was aggravated together with her for having given some coins to a person standing outside the Walmart grouping cash for a fund to combat world warning. Rush had taken her firmly by the elbow and knotted at her that the total factor was a hoax, however by then it had been too late.

The person had accepted some of their dwindling savings, his married person was angry at him for having manhandled her, and across the car parking zone, Barrett Black man, the native tax comptroller UN agency 2 years earlier had stuck him with a large account of $1,500 was sullen at him with a glance of disapproval.

Rush may take no a lot of. He required to urge away. thus he left his double wide close to the stream and drove his GMC acquire truck down the fresh made-up road to the Eagle’s Wing tap house.

He stopped and saluted American flag.As he drove past the military base he stopped and saluted American flag. Rush liked to honour the fallen heroes of America’s storied past, and he deplored the shortage of loyalty within the nation.

The country was attending to hell during a hand basket, as he saw it. any on, he passed a farm field wherever a gaggle of prohibited immigrants were choosing lettuce – taking jobs off from a tough operating Americans, as he reckoned. it had been a disgrace.


At the Eagle’s Wing tap house he met up together with his previous buddies valley and Sean, and that they quickly fell to observance TV despite the fact that culture anticipated within the variety of a joke box, ability and adeptness within the variety of pocket pool.

They watched FOX  latest headline news land grumbled regarding the percent. It had recently topped Sept. 11. What’s a lot of, the govt was wastefulness billions on bailouts for the banks and automobile firms and was within the method of passing health care reform. “It’s socialism,” they griped. “The free market is being gutted by the Nazi liberals in Washington.”

Enjoy Just then a creepy previous guy stepped behind the bar. The regular employee was away and this was his replacement, a pasty wanting fellow with a face sort of a hatchet and a smile sort of a shark. They looked on in disbelief as he Sat round-shouldered over reading a unique by a French intellectual and sipping a brew created by a brewery. His cellular phone had a hoop tone by Mo by.

They couldn’t resist the urge to roast at him. They referred to as him a subway sexual, a chest shaver, and asked him wherever his purse was. They demanded to grasp if he wore coloured undergarment. Then Rush aforesaid, “Here, provide American state a style of that brew. Let’s see what’s value 3 bucks.”


In the blink of an eye fixed the employee was before him, cradling a foaming mug between his bony fingers and leaning down with a leering grin. “Enjoy,” he aforesaid during a voice that perceived to climb the walls during a swirl of cold air.

Strangely afraid, Rush accepted the brew and swept it down during a single daring swallow. His last thought before losing consciousness was that the brew truly had flavor, that stricken him as one thing of a revelation.

The unhappy Fate of the Bud ladies

The Eagles Wing Taven abandonedGroggily, his head swimming, Rush force himself into a sitting position and looked around. a protracted grey beard tumbled from his chin and his garments were dust-covered and threadbare. He was powerfully hungry. His bones ached and creaked as he ought to his feet.

The Eagle’s Wing tap house was deserted. The TV was dark, the screen coated with a skinny layer of dirt. Cobwebs were draped over the nickelodeon and therefore the snooker table. The poster of the Bud ladies was buckled and light.

Stumbling outside Rush was greeted by a car parking zone overgrown with weeds. The fresh made-up black prime, the results of the federal government’s “Put America to Work” program yet another Socialist power grab as way as Rush was concerned was crumbling and riddled with pot holes. It created very little distinction, however, as Rush’s GM C acquire truck was obscurity to be found. He began walking home.

The migrator drawback resolved ultimately

A ramshackle home coated in graffiti.On the manner he passed the farm field wherever he had seen the prohibited immigrants choosing lettuce. the sector was gone to seed, thick with weeds and fallen branches. a trifle any on, he found a damaged home coated in graffiti.

A curl of smoke was coming back from the chimney thus he knocked on the door and was admitted by a rail skinny man with rot teeth. the person was preparation methamphetamine and acted like Rush was bothering him. Rush asked him if he had seen anyone drive past during a GM C acquire truck.

The man gave him a weird look. “GM” he asked. “I doubt it. General Motors has been out of business for twenty five years. components and repair are not possible to urge. If anyone still has one in every of those previous relics, it’s abreast of blocks.”


Confused and a trifle frightened, Rush asked the person what had become of the farm field and therefore the prohibited immigrants that had worked thereon. “What prohibited immigrants” the person asked. “There hasn’t been associate degree prohibited migratory during this country in twenty years, not since the govt instituted the executing for prohibited immigration.”

Rush cask his head as if making an attempt to clear it and asked the person why nobody else was operating the sector. “Where are the Yankee farm labourers”

The man threw back his head and laughed. “You’ve ought to be kidding. the large farming conglomerates couldn’t get Americans to figure for those lousy wages so that they emotional all the farming out of this country, emotional it to Mexico wherever they may get low-cost labor.”

This created Rush’s blood boil. it had been the wage that had caused this, he was positive of it. If agriculture had been allowed to pay what the market demanded this wouldn’t have happened. the person checked out him as if we have a tendency to were cracked.


There hasn’t been a wage during this country in decades. however why ought to an individual work for a wage but he will live on It’s stupid, particularly once he will cook methamphetamine or create cash through web pornography.

Rush felt sick. His abdomen was grumbling. He asked the person for one thing to eat. the person pushed a furrowed box across to him. within the bottom of it had been one turnip. Rush checked out it in disbelief. “I don’t mean to be ungrateful,” he said. “But don’t you’ve got something else.

Like what I suppose you wish a pleasant bowl of macaroni and cheese or maybe a slice of toast. What does one assume i’m, manufactured from money.

Hesitantly Rush asked if those food things were pricey. the person snorted, “Well, of course. The Coalition of Agriculture manufacturing Nations have America over a barrel. they’ll jerk America around any time they need.

The last time our government criticised them for his or her human rights record they jacked the worth of wheat through the roof. currently they need America to send troops to quell a preferred rising. We’d higher love too or they’ll jack the worth of drinking water on America.


He crammed a glass and drank it.Rush bridled. “I’d prefer to see them attempt,” he pronounced rebelliously. “We’ll simply drink water and show them whose boss.

With a weary look the person went over to the sink. He crammed a glass and took a protracted drink. once Rush saw what he was drinking he nearly gagged. “What’s that you’re drinking.

The man delayed the enclose the sunshine and looked through it. The water was murky and speckled with pollutants. “The independent agency was abolished years gone. wherever have you ever been.

Rush stumbled from the man’s house his head reeling. He Greek deity the turnip and marshalled his strength and carried on.

Health Care during a Free Market

An hour later he stood before a stagnant body of water wherever his double wide accustomed be. The stream had swollen its banks and consumed fr the city. somebody came row down the most street during a boat. At the sight of Rush the figure within the boat raised a gun and unemployed. “Stand wherever you are!” the figure commanded.


“What are you doing here?” the person demanded.

“I’m probing for my married person,” Rush aforesaid. He gave the person his wife’s name. the person mounted him with a quizzical stare. “There accustomed be somebody here by that name however that was twenty years agone.”

“Do you recognize wherever she’s gone?” Rush asked.

“Well, sure,” aforesaid the person. “Where most of them have gone, to the nice on the far side, taken out by typhoid fever or T.B. or Asiatic cholera.”

Rush was stricken. “Do you mean she’s dead?”

He stood wanting wherever his double wide accustomed be.“Well, of course,” aforesaid the person, confused by Rush’s shock and grief. “She wasn’t one in every of the six figure crowd was she?”

“The six figure crowd?”

“She didn’t create six figures or a lot of did she?”

“She worked at Walmart.”

“Well then she’s in all probability dead, taken out by one in every of the epidemics. Asiatic cholera was the more serious, exhausted regarding  the city.”

“But there’s a treatment for Asiatic cholera. Why didn’t they’re going to the hospital and acquire it treated?”

The man one-eyed him fastidiously to ascertain if he was actuation his leg. Rush was genuinely surprised. the person shrugged. “Couldn’t afford it. They weren’t a part of the six figure crowd. Say, wherever are you from anyway, and why aren’t you together with your company?”

“My company?” asked Rush.

“Your military group. are you AWOL? If you’re AWOL you would possibly still act and admit it; it’ll go easier on you.”

“I’m not within the military.”

“Then you want to be preparation methamphetamine or creating web pornography during which case I actually have to arrest you.” the person raised his gun. “Get within the boat,” he said.

Reluctantly Rush dawned. “What if I told you I’m associate degree idle carpenter?” he asked.

“Then I’d grasp you’re lying. nobody is idle. If you’re a carpenter, you’re employed for the military, that causes you to AWOL, unless you’ll be able to show American state the correct papers.”

“But I’m associate degree freelance contractor arranged aloof from my job. I’m on unemployment; I actually have been for 3 years. the govt extended it double.”

“Are you nuts?” the person asked unconditionally. “The government doesn’t provide cash to folks for doing nothing. state is socialism, that is why it had been abolished years agone.”

“It’s not socialism,” argued Rush. “It’s associate degree insurance program. You pay in whereas you’re operating and so if you eff off-”

“What are you a commie? everyone is aware of that if state is underfunded – because it was throughout the nice recession – the govt has got to compose the distinction. That’s socialism plain and straightforward. Don’t confer with American state. i believe you’re associate degree retard.”

Avoiding the Stain of Socialism

They rowed down main street.They rowed on down main street. They rowed past the bank. it had been boarded up. Rush asked what had become of the large international money concern and therefore the vile branch manager UN agency had been living high on the hog. “Gone,” aforesaid the boatman. “When the banks created another raft of unhealthy loans the govt refused to bail them out and that they failing. Naturally there was a run on the banks however there was no cash to be had therefore the folks turned to the govt, hoping to gather their savings beneath Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation insurance.” the person smiled grimly to himself.

What does one assume happened the govt refused to pay one penny over they’d taken in in insurance premiums. anything would are socialism. thus folks lost most of their life’s savings. What’s a lot of, there was no capital to begin new banks. Unable to urge credit, businesses folded right and left. If you weren’t going bankrupt in those days, you weren’t living in America. The dollar lost ninetieth of its worth. Foreign nations referred to as in their debts. Inflation went through the roof. it had been ugly. however a minimum of it wasn’t socialism. a minimum of we have a tendency to don’t have that stain on our national character.

Rush felt like he was attending to cast.

That that can’t be Avoided

Captain Black mun raised associate degree eyebrow They force through the fr submerged gates of the facility on the outskirts of city and Rush was surprised to ascertain the power spreading go into each direction for miles. Row when row of barracks, administration buildings and instrumentation depots.

They docked the boat before of a sprawling building referred to as “The Mess”. The boatman diode Rush up the steps and down a protracted interior passageway past food courts, recreation centres and lounges, one in every of that was referred to as The Eagle’s Wing.

Rush was created to account for himself before a no nonsense military man whose name was Captain B. Blackmun. Captain Blackmun wished to grasp wherever Rush had return from and why he was thus filthy and whiskered. Rush told him that as best as he may figure he had been asleep for twenty five years. Captain Blackmun raised a skeptical hair and looked through a roll of active military personnel. Rush wasn’t in it.

Captain Blackmun told him that he was during a peck of bother. “It’s not simply that you simply are evading your military duty all this point – in all probability preparation methamphetamine and creating web pornography – however you’ve got did not pay your taxes – regarding twenty five years value.”

Rush recoiled in horror, “Taxes!”

“Well, of course,” aforesaid Captain Blackmun. “It prices cash to run the world’s largest military.”

Captain Blackmun had Rush outfitted with a pursuit bracelet and warned him against going AWOL. He was appointed to a barracks and warned to indicate up at reveille. He would be appointed his duties future day. Captain Blackmun one-eyed him gravelly, “Your pay are docked the quantity you owe for future twenty five years, however a minimum of you’ll have an area to sleep and 3 sq. meals on a daily basis.”

Blaming the Liberals, and different Feats of Self-Delusion

Downcast, Rush wandered down the passageway to the lounge referred to as The Eagle’s Wing. He took a stool at the bar and Sat down next to 2 young men UN agency looked remarkably like his previous buddies motion Gleaning and Sean Savage.

They were observance FOX  latest headline news and talking among themselves, fretful regarding taxing taxes and government interference in their lives. They bemoaned the shortage of personal sector jobs and America’s declining influence within the world. “It’s all the fault of the liberals,” they grumbled.

Rush was taken aback by this declaration. “But how? Why?”

Rush felt his head spinning.They checked out him as if he had fully grown a second head. “If it hadn’t been for the liberals with their anti-business agenda none of this could have happened. The banks would are bailed out, state insurance would’ve been extended, and there would’ve been some variety of stripped health care. The non-public sector would have provided everything if the liberals hadn’t created it too troublesome for them by refusing to increase required government incentives. The liberals are a bunch of Nazis.”

Rush felt his head reeling. He stood up, gripped the sting of the bar, and started wailing, “No! No! No!” His last thought before losing consciousness was that the brew he had been drinking had been pretty flavourless.

When he awoke he was back at the Eagle’s Wing, back in his own time, a craft brew upturned on the ground beside him. His 2 buddies were hovering over him, making an attempt to assist him up, asking if he was okay.

He cask them off and fast for the door. Outside, his GMC acquire truck was lay and waiting. He jumped within the driver’s seat and sped down the fresh made-up road to his double wide trailer beside the stream wherever his married person was creating dinner.

He fell into her arms, cuddling her thirstily. pleased by his playfulness, she warded him off with amusing, then again stopped and one-eyed his articulatio talocruralis curiously. “What’s that?” she asked.

Rush was sporting a pursuit bracelet.

Image Credits:

Rip Van Winkle, Public Domain; He Stopped and Saluted, Public Domain; get pleasure from, Public Domain; The Eagle’s Wing Abandoned, Information; A damaged home coated in Graffiti, Earth First; Have a Turnip, Jitterbugger; He crammed a Glass and Took a Drink, Complementary; He Stood wanting, Public Domain; They Rowed Down Main Street, Public Domain; Captain Black mun Raised associate degree hair, Sadomasochism; He Felt His Head Ringing, Inconceivability.


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